By Wakini Kuria

Man loves competition and life is fast moving. So, we have ourselves one great race, to an expensive early grave and with lifestyle diseases for the trophy! It’s a race remember? We can’t have things happening at snail pace. No! Fast is our mantra. Fast foods, fast internet, fast cars, fast everything. It’s either fast or very fast!

Our knowledge is killing us, being great scientists we manufacture food from chemicals. We create machines that are heaping radioactivity blasts on us. We breathe in poisoned air. Car and factory fumes, sprays and garbage. We don’t stop there, we use chemicals dubbed cosmetics in the name of chasing beauty.

We are so clever and of class that we won’t eat organic, naturally growing food because that is so last century and something only the poor do. We want to eat factory manufactured food or ready-to-eat. We are so busy chasing paper that cooking is a waste of time. Fast food is kind to the taste buds and appealing to the eye anyway.

Natural food is dumb and flat in taste, boring to even look at leave alone eating. Genetically Modified fruits are big and without blemish. Well cared for. Those chemicals used did not go to waste. You know. Broiler chicken are good for business unlike those other things you keep in the farm for centuries before they mature. When will you ever style up?

What is growing food naturally when China can manufacture plastic eggs, rice and milk in tonnes? Why waste all that time, resources and labour? Don’t they know that time is money?

Lifestyle diseases did you say? What is cancer, diabetes, asthma and arthritis when scientists are not sleeping a wink researching for cure? Who do you think, they have in mind? Obviously, not those lab mice!

Furthermore to beat obesity, I’ll hit the gym like a hurricane if the funds allow. Right now though, I have to keep up with the mortgage, car maintenance and the loan. Goodness! That loan is giving me sleepless nights.

Processed food is bae because we’ve got class. Bacon, bread and sausages to accompany coffee in the morning. Pilau seasoned a good one with artificial spices and soda for lunch. In the evening, you decide to catch grilled chicken from the fast food Inn, some left over fries from the microwave and beer to help in digestion. Leave those fools in the countryside who cook over firewood and go digging tubers from the ground all day and milking those smelly creatures they call cows and goats.

It’s easy you see, just walking into a single store on your way home and you have the entire week or month’s shopping covered. In your basket you will have everything. All under one roof. High five. Work made easier!

You then settle behind a screen, enjoy your microwaved meal and later sleep. That fool in the countryside will spend the day digging out tubers for breakfast, greens for supper and still feed those horrible creatures. His calloused hands feels like sandpaper. Mine are soft and silky to touch.

I don’t like the smell of cow dung and smoke. And that sooty hell-hole you call a kitchen. That is why, I’ll use microwave and ovens to do my cooking. When will you ever style up?

Please, allow me to leave, I have an appointment with the doctor.

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