By Nafula Kisiangani
For so many years I struggled with low self esteem. I tried hiding myself but discovered I actually exist. Thanks to my big sister for introducing me to Tyra Banks show which was very helpful in inducing some self love and appreciation; slowly, I began believing in myself. It took a total stranger to rescue me through a noble TV show. I was born in a society that had already defined who a woman should be and if you presented different traits or different abilities you automatically became a victim.
I remember one day when we were debating on an online platform, a certain old lady reminded me in my inbox how wrong it is to argue with men. I laughed off because I had begun developing a deep sense of myself, while at it unapologetic.
My mother told me I was a very active child, cheeky and curious. She told me that I couldn’t own toys as I would break them to see what’s inside. How I was a kid who fully occupied her space, I would always stand out among my peers. Mama told me that from a young age, I never carried myself as a victim even when offended, but always found a way to get my justice. I saw the society conspiring to suppress my authenticity instead of supporting me to refine my gifts, to bring out the best in me. I was too vocal; I could debate, stand and defend myself but according to them women shouldn’t be like that. I tried wearing a borrowed personality. I felt suffocated and more confused, battling with misplaced identity.
Several times, they were describing a woman and I couldn’t fit in the definition. I felt excluded, I witnessed them marginalizing me. They created identity crisis within me because of their narrow view of feminity. I am proudly a woman. I have severally been told ‘act like a woman’ but when I view myself in a mirror I see all features of a woman; such a dehumanizing blackmail. They were refusing to acknowledge that I exist with all the gifts that God bestowed me. They were struggling to reduce me.
I know I am the daughter of God. I am the child of the most high who bears infinite possibilities. Who bestowed me all this gifts with an intention. I was tired of being a victim in my own life, it was time to rescue myself and it was time to stand for myself. I stepped out. I worked so hard to find myself, to be self aware, to understand my purpose. Often, many women have been pushed to apologize for their strengths and blackmailed to think they are too much. Unfortunately many subconsciously give in to this limiting setup.
I have constantly seen people projecting their insecurities to many women like me. If you feel intimidated by me, you are exactly what I don’t want near me; because you don’t acknowledge my full worth. You still believe I shouldn’t exist. Because you still assume I am a mere idea and not a human being in her full humanity, dignity and heritage or you are simply unfinished insecure package exhibiting projections.
Most alpha women in a patriarchal set up have struggled to find themselves, struggled with discrimination, battled with induced insecurities. As a woman, one thing I am always grateful of is the gift of time. I wonder why they associate time for women with insecurity! Growing old comes with clarity, it comes with personal affirmations. It’s a package every young girl should look up to and not fear, it comes with a lot of peace.
Woman! If God didn’t want you to speak, He wouldn’t have given you a voice in the first place. If God didn’t want you to reason and be part of the solution, He would have denied you brains. Just like in masculinity, there is no homogeneity in feminity, refuse to be defined. Feminism celebrates diversity in individuals it is a safe space for both men and women. Unapologetically bring to the world that which God bestowed to you. Light your candle and raise it higher, make the entire universe bright.
The writer is a Social Justice Advocate & CEO Ubuntu Development Solution